i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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