When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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