I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
