party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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