2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
