He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
