What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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