70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
