It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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