I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
