nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
