i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
