See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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