i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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