who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
