just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
