Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
areolas are like halos for boobs.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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