Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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