i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
