Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
