oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
