I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize