why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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