weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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