Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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