I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
