Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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