in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
