god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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