So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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