Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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