your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
