my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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