ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize