HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
