I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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