The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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