yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
