he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
