Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
