Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
