they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
