i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
