Porn is love you can see.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Holy sore nipples Batman
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
