literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
