Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
