Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
