Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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