brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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