i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
