bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Bring me that man meat
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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