i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
