i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
