dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
