like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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