I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
