drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
