I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
