so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
