You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize