Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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