you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
