remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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