Define "chronic" masturbator.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
