After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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