Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
