i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
