If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize