we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
