and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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