Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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