:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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