WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
