Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
