He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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