Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
