I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
