Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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